It's been a while since I've updated anything on my personal website or sent out a newsletter.  Quite honestly, last fall was the roughest period of my entire life.  Not that I hadn't been through things that were equally painful emotionally, it was just that the sequence of events that came at me in rapid succession just got to me in a way that nothing else in my life ever has.

I'm a fairly optimistic soul, mostly because I've had a deep, abiding faith that there is a God who cares for me.  So, when difficult times strike, I've always believed that God could help me find a way out. When things have gone wrong, I've simply worked harder. If I've been tired, I seem to have always had some people to lean on.  This time, it seemed like every aspect of my life went down all at once.

First of all, there was my separation and subsequent divorce.  This was painful, of course, particularly since I loved my wife very dearly.  She was very good to me during the time we were together. 

Then, there was the death of my office manager's husband, which essentially put half of my staff out of commission for a time.  This happened just as we were moving the office, so it essentially shut down my business, and the events surrounding his death were traumatic for all of us.  In fact, we're still recovering. 
Finally, to top it all off, there was my gall bladder surgery.  Basically, for the first time in many years, I had a serious health crisis and wound up in the hospital one week after the tragedy with my staff. 

I was already in some pretty serious debt and wondering how I was going to cope with it, and now I had a bunch of medical bills, along with a business that was suddenly struggling. 

When it was all put together, for the first time in my life I could see no way out.  I didn't have the energy to work harder.  I didn't have the people that I usually relied on to get things done and  I didn't have financial resources to hire more help. I felt like God had jerked the rug right out from under me.  In fact, energy wise I still haven't recovered.  I can't work a full day without become extremely tired.

I say this was a rough time because I have never felt so hopeless in all my life. However, I decided to simply take things one day at a time and not worry too much about the future.  It helped.

Then one day my youngest daughter, Katie, who has been staying with me during her semester off from college was playing some hymns.  They were one's I grew up with and one of them has these words:

"It may not be on the mountain top, or over the stormy sea;
It may not be at the battle's front, my Lord will have need of me;
But if by a still, small voice he calls me to paths that I do not know,
I'll answer dear Lord with my hand in thine, I'll go where you want me to go.

Chorus: I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord, over mountain or plain or sea,
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord,
I'll be what you want me to be.

There's surely somewhere a lowly place in earth's harvest field so wide,
Where I may labor through life's short day, for Jesus the Crucified,
So trusting my all to thy tender care, and knowing thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere, I'll be what you want me to be."

The words of this song kept ringing in my head and snapped me out of my funk.
Almost 35 years ago I pledged my life to God and promised Him that I'd do whatever
He wanted me to do, no matter what the cost.  I realized that I had gotten so used
to being blessed that I'd started to take it all for granted. I started to look around me
again and count my blessings, another one of the hymns I heard that day.

"When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

Do you realize that half the people in the world go to bed hungry
and I've never been without food.  In fact, I have too much of it so I have to control
it's intake to try to maintain my proper weight.  I've never been without a home
that has hot and cold running water, electricity and central heating.  A large percentage
of people in the world don't have these things.  We are so blessed in this country,
but we're also so spoiled. 

I know that there has been an economic downturn, but in general, Americans are
still very wealthy compared to the rest of the world.  Perhaps we need some hardships
to try to get our priorities straight again. 

For me, this time of trouble has been a chance to do some serious self-reflection.  I've
realized how many things I could do without and still be happy.  I've realized how blessed
I really am.  Most of all, I've realized that God is in charge and I've decided it's OK to
surrender to the hardships we sometimes face, too.  It's been a time to relearn the valuable
lesson that "all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord."  That's all things,
meaning both the good and the bad.

So, I've posted some articles this time that reflect less about physical health and more about
our attitude on life.  I'm finishing up my emotional healing book (something I've wanted to
write for 15 years) and I'm nearly done. 

All in all, I'll say that in spite of everything that's happened, I'm doing very well.  I'm trusting
my all to God's tender care and sensing again that He loves me, no matter what, which means
I'm back on track and hope to be able to continue to provide you with useful information
in 2010.

God bless.